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First and foremost, if your real name is Glenda… this is not about you per se, unless you are, in fact, a true twat waffle. But I doubt you are.
So if you’ve read a post or three around this blog you may have come across Glenda. I think it’s about time Glenda be formally introduced to the world for who she really is. She really needs to be a better person. Here’s the thing about Glenda, we all know her. She is present in each and every one of our lives. And she kinda sucks. How is she everywhere? Well, lemme tell you.
Glenda is a real person
This is the part that will trip most people up. Glenda is REAL. She is not your guilty conscience. She is a physical person that you can reach out and touch. Maybe She is the mom that rolls her eyes when you stumble in 10 minutes late to ice-skating-ballet-cake-baking class (which is probably a real thing in today’s world). Or maybe she’s the chick on Instagram that you can identify in a line up by her boobs alone, but never her face. Glenda is not a BAD person by nature, but she makes YOU feel like a luke-warm piece of shit. Ya with me? She’s the person who remarks on my Diet Coke habit even though I also drink a half-gallon of water every day. She’s just… mean.
Glenda is a shapeshifter
Maybe you have a SINGLE Glenda, but more likely you have dozens. Glenda takes on many faces. She’s like Arya from GOT. The random mom who always has some remark about your kid is Glenda one minute and then, BAM, you turn around there she is again in the form of your frenemy commenting on how maybe you can have some of her old clothes that are too big for her now… you know… if they’re big enough for you.
Want to know something even more fucked up? Sometimes YOU are Glenda! Think about it. I bet you can think of at least one instance of when you were. Don’t deny it! There’s way more good that comes out of admitting shit and growing from it than denying it. The only way to banish Glenda is if we all do it one by one. More on that in a bit.
Glenda gets in your head
Even when she’s not there, the comments, the looks, the judgments… they stick around. They nag you. Even when Glenda puts on her sweet smile and comes at you with the ‘I say this as a friend’ bullshit. We beat ourselves up enough without letting Glenda get all her negativity up in our heads too.
And here’s how to know if it’s a piece of Glenda garbage input or a legit friend reaching out. Is it negative or positive? and WHO does it benefit? If Glenda tells you ‘as a friend’ that you might want to dress nicer at school drop off who does that actually help? Uh, no one. Does it make you feel loved? Or bad about yourself? Right, Bad about yourself. Therefore it Glenda bullshit. If your friend tells you they’re concerned about your health for some reason and they want to help… who does it benefit? You. That’s positive. That is NOT Glenda. See the difference?
Glenda is a real twat waffle
Glenda is only in it for Glenda. Typically, she needs to tear someone else down to build herself up. Or she needs constant validation. Or she has ulterior motives that typically do not have your best interest at heart. Again, I know that I have been Glenda before. Have you? Be honest now! I know it can be awkward, but we have to admit we’re not perfect!
So WTF do we do about Glenda?
The world will always be filled with its fair share of Glenda’s. One thing that has become clear to me as my little slice of internet heaven has evolved is that I want us to take more responsibility for ourselves. To be proud of who we ARE, not just who we WANT to be, and to focus on being happy instead of striving for some arbitrary standard of success. You guys, successful does not equal happy. And you cannot be healthy without being happy. At least according to the dictionary of Rebekah. So when it comes to Glenda I want us to STOP BEING HER. That’s the first thing we can do. As for the rest? Here ya go:
- Stop tearing others down to build yourself up.
- Stop seeking validation outside of yourself.
- Be clear about your intentions. Especially when you have something to gain.
- Stop shaming other women. Screw that. Stop shaming other HUMANS.
- Stop playing the victim.
That list is only 5 bullets long, but damn does it take a hell of a lot of therapy to accomplish even one. It all boils down to one simple thing: be a better person. Don’t be like Glenda.
The last way we can deal with Glenda? Call out the bullshit. Why are we so kind to each other’s faces and nasty behind each other’s backs? How about instead we call bullshit. It doesn’t have to end in hair pulling and a fistfight, it can be as simple as ‘I can tell what you are trying to do and I don’t appreciate it.’ and then walk away. She’ll get the message.
Be a better person
It really is that simple y’all!
If I get enough friend I’m totally making shirts. For real, who wants a ‘Don’t be like Glenda’ T-shirt? Glenda may be a roundabout way for me to categorize shady bitches, and encourage you not to be one, but I sure as hell hope this makes some sense.